I feel like I’ve been dumped.

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Alex Ferguson, Celebrity, Crazy, Entertainment, Football, Life, Sport

So Sir Alex Ferguson has left me… Okay, not me specifically. He has retired from his position as the manager of Manchester United Football Club – one of the biggest and most loved sporting clubs in the world, and more importantly, the club I support. After more than a quarter of a century in charge, he just upped and resigned without any warning, not even a note or some nice flowers. Quite frankly, I’m hurt.

If you don’t know who Sir Alex Ferguson is and you have no idea what I’m talking about, you’re already dead to me. Let’s put it this way people, he’s a big deal and he will be on your local television news channel soon.

Know as the most “relentless winner” in European football management, he has won nearly 50 professional trophies in his career including 13 English Premier League titles and 2 UEFA Champions League titles. This man is the godfather of European football.

I can’t even remember a Manchester United team before Ferguson, I don’t know what I’m going to do. Hell, what the heck are Manchester United going to do?

But I don’t want to share.

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Angry, Google, News, Politics, Technology, War

Okay, I’m wading into this one… Israel, grow up.

It seems Israel’s deputy foreign minister, Ze’ev Elkin, has become a bit upset at Google for changing their Palestinian homepage last week to read “Palestine” instead of “Palestinian Territories”.

His gripe, he sees this move by Google as a statement of their support Palestinian independence. Tsk, tsk, tsk, silly Google. I quote a Reuters report, “When a company like Google comes along and supports this line, it actually pushes peace further away, pushes away negotiations, and creates among the Palestinian leadership the illusion that in this manner they can achieve the result.”

Basically, he’s saying Israel own Palestine’s ass and they’ll get their independence when Israel say so. Google shouldn’t be giving Palestinians ideas above their station. Google took the decision to change the name after the UN upgraded Palestine’s status as a recognised state last November… Palestine is recognised by the United States as well. Mr Elkin isn’t happy about that either.

It seems the only people unhappy about this clear trend towards recognising Palestine’s independence is Israel.

Why haven’t they done this already?

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Architecture, Crazy, Design, Engineering, Future, Road, science, Solar, Travel

Oh that’s right, because it’ll cost a couple gazillion dollars and take forever.

So some group of rather “don’t like to get their hands dirty” scientists (I’m only calling them this because I thought jackasses was a bit strong) have come up with the ingenious idea (no sarcasm intended) of paving the world’s roads with solar panels to create vast sources of energy.

It really is a great idea. I mean, roads are almost everywhere outside, they’re large and are almost always in contact with the sun’s energy-giving light… But. Kim Kardashian step aside, this is a rather big BUT.
It’s clearly the “hypothetical” thinking of a bunch of guys who didn’t both to learn how to use a calculator…

1. Let’s start with the cost of having to repave every patch of road currently traversing say, the United States, probably the only country where this would be possible… And this is only if we manage to engineer a truly durable solar panel.
2. The there’s the infrastructure needed to extract and store all that solar energy.
3. Then there’s the maintenance costs, especially when the “fast and the furious” club comes to town.
4. And let’s not forget that potentially, but the time all these roads have been repaved, we’ll no longer be using cars.

Call me a skeptic, a naysayer, a party-pooper, I don’t care. My local municipality still hasn’t fixed the giant pothole outside my house and about four miles from where I live there isn’t anything but dirt road. So good luck fellas, you’ll need it.

Giant Eviscerated Bunny

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Art, Nature, Photography, Pink Rabbit, Rant, Stupid, Travel

Hello all, remember me. Let’s just say it’s been a long fun-filled few weeks and get back to being angry about the world, shall we?

This is quite old and quite stupid but it’s been a slow month – Boston Marathon bombing aside. Above is a picture of a giant stuffed pink bunny with some of his “stuffing” (internal organs to you and me) laying next to it. Another wonderful example of art for fuck’s sake, I’m sorry, I meant art’s sake.

Found on the mountainside of Colletto Fava in Italy where it was placed in 2005 by Austrian artist collective gelitin, it is now sadly the many reason anyone has actually ever heard of this picturesque piece of Italian countryside. Because that’s what you want to see when visiting rural Italy.

It’s expected to stay there until 2025 where according to the artists it should be “swallowed up by the weather”. Either that or some poor bastards are going to have to drag the fucker back down the mountain again.

Two bedroom, two bathroom, one baby

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Angry, Crazy, Evil, Life, Social Media, Stupid, Women

Welcome to the internet age where you can see and talk to people across the world in real-time, where a galaxy of information is at your fingertips twenty-four hours and day and where mothers are putting their unborn children up for adoption on Gumtree… Sorry? What was that last one?

Yes. A twenty-four year old woman in South Africa put on advert on Gumtree for the adoption of her unborn child. In my mind, I can’t stop wondering which category she put it under. Fashion? Business-to-Business? Community? Oh, of course, Baby & Kids.

Sadly, I can’t actually show you the original advert as it was pulled quite quickly, and I don’t often go on Gumtree with a hankering for baby. I can only hope they pulled it before Angelina Jolie got wind.

The twenty-four year old from the Cape clearly didn’t want the child. But what’s worse, is she clearly didn’t give a shit who she gave it up to either. This self-described “beautiful black woman” is very obviously anything but.

Pray I never meet you in a dark alley one day my dear.

The Internet is ruining sex

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Design, Durex, Sex, Social Media, Technology

So Durex has come up with an interesting way to keep the flame going in long distance relationships by getting the flame going in your pants… Especially if there’s a bit of faulty wiring.

It’s called Funderwear, but excuse me if I’m not entirely convinced. It’s underwear with electrodes in it to give your partner “sensations” via a phone app. My girlfriend spends enough time on her phone as it is. I suppose, at least now I wouldn’t mind.

I prefer to have sex with a person who are actually in the same room – specifically one or more females in the bedroom, kitchen, pool or other more compromising spots. Sadly, we’re just talking hypothetically here, but you get my point. For me, even “operating my own equipment” over a webcam seems creepy.

Now consider this, there is electrical equipment inside the underwear. So Durex not only want me to forgo may first rule of “same postal code interplay”, they want me to strap electrodes to my junk.

I think they should rethink this product. If it indeed a real product.

Is he laughing or crying?

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Animals, Cute, Easter, Religion

“Don’t eat the bunnies.”

“But they taste so good.”

This must be the most docile Staffordshire Bull Terrier I’ve ever seen. His named is Boom, he has a Facebook page and he’s awesome.

For Easter, his owner got him to pose for photos with a chick (the feathery kind, sadly not the cheer-leading kind) and some rabbits… And he looks as happy as a pig in shit. Presumably the pig was already busy.

I mean, I’m not a dog but even I would have done something rude or ill-advised to one of those rabbits in at least one of the 47 photos taken.

And Boom is a multi-talented little pup – he’s won awards, does demonstrations, pulls weights and dive into a pool better than I ever have. Not to mention his name is fantastic.

He’s only three years old. After I read that, it occurred to me that I should probably get up off my arse and do something with my life… Later.

Disney will pay!

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Angry, Disney, Entertainment, Lucasarts, Movie, Star Wars, Technology, Video Game

Already responsible destroying a happy my childhood with horrible music, singing crabs and badly choreographed dancing cutlery – now they want to take my favourite video games away too! That’s it. I’m marching on Disney Studios, I’m talking pickets, pitchforks and flaming stakes. You’ve crossed the line Disney.

Disney are basically shutting down Lucasarts. Star Wars was one thing, no one is going to miss George, but Lucasarts! Sam And Max! Day Of The Tentacle! Monkey Island! Grim Fandango! Sorry for all the exclamation marks but I’m really upset. I feel like I’ve watched my brand new puppy being hit by a car.

They laid off a bunch of Lucasarts staff and have cancelled all their current projects including the next Star Wars games. The Star Wars games are the only thing still good about the franchise. Now all Lucasarts will be doing is licensing out current properties… no new stuff.

Why Disney? Why!

If you’ve ever wanted to see your hamster in a suit…

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Animals, Art, Photography

Okay, I realise that headline may have sounded borderline “I’m saying something dirty about my genitals but in a nice way”… or is that just me. Never mind, look at the picture.

Yago Partal, this is not another nice way to say something dirty, is a photographic artist (a polite name for a photographer who takes pictures no one understands) and is responsible for “Zoo Portraits“.

A firm believer in the truism that “everyone loses when you turn up naked to a family portrait”, which is why you don’t see many nudists family portraits (you’ve been warned) – “Eww, is that dad’s wang?”

Using the ancient art of Photoshop, he has dressed up a bunch of zoo animals in some rather nifty outfits, photographed them mugshot-style and is hoping some of you gullible buggers will buy them as prints.

I find myself drawn to the Lemur, he’s rather dashing in his overcoat, jacket, button-down shirt combo… but I can’t help but wondering, are any of them wearing any pants?

I thought Scandanavians were serious people.

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Animals, Cool, Design, Geography, Politics, Travel

Well, clearly the Finnish people are an exception, or at the very least the guy who designed their new passports.

I’m guessing being Finnish isn’t a good enough reason to want to get a Finland passport any more. So they’ve decided to liven it up a bit… with a flipbook moose. Yes.

So if you somehow get your hands on one of these magical little documents – allowing you free passage to wonderful countries like Lithuania, Samoa and Gambia amongst others – give it a floury and watch the moose walk across the bottom of the page.

A delight.